A crisis of faith

So I was in a pretty stroppy mood wednesday evening.

I have always wanted to be a medical doctor. Anyone who has known me for any length of time knows of my drive and determination to become a medical doctor one of these days.

At the end of honours year in 2006 I ended up being in a very privledged position - I had two choices for my immediate future. Firstly, my lifelong dream, acceptance into a postgraduate medical progam, albeit in another state, and secondly, a guaranteed PhD scholarship in the lab I was currently working.

While it was difficult decision, ultimately is was very easy - I had throughly enjoyed my year in research and was something I think would of come back. I loved my current working environment. The opportunity to stay in my home state with all my family and my friend, to do something I enjoy (and getting paid for it) was too good an opportunity to miss.

Writing my rejection letter to my medicine offer was hard, but it was not like I was giving up on my dream - just postponing it. I was still young, it was only another 3-4 years, and if I was a good candidate then, well, I was only going to be a better candidate in 3 years time. A lil older, a bit more mature.

However, on Wednesday evening, as I sat at my desk desperately trying to write my review, lamenting the fact that my Western was still not at the quality I required, freaking out about my posters for my upcomming conferences - all I could think was WHY?? Why was I here?

I could of been in my second year of med school. Half way. Instead I was here, at the desk, with all these worries, and no real solution in sight.

Of course I was being totally irrational!

Everything is actually going relatively well, esp. considering my general laziness. I've even managed to get some work done on my review... okay... not alot but a bit and it's helping me get into the swing of things! Plus I get to make pretty pictures and call it 'work'.

And I have GRAND PLANS for the next few years... (though I guess I should state that I always have some sort of grand plan... that doesn't always work out!).

My current plan to sit the GAMSAT next year, apply for Sydney schools, hopefully get in and then defer for a year. The next year I shall be finishing off my dreaded thesis and then off to Europe for a last HURRAH holiday before coming back and settling back into study mode.

AND I'm off to Melbourne, Canada and New York in the next month!!

There's no way I would of done any of that if I'd been in med school now.

Plus I'd be living in Adelaide...

Ew.

(Ps. If, by chance, there is an Adelaidian reading this... I don't really think Adelaide is Ew... it's quite nice actually... just kinda quiet... really quiet actuall.)

Does anyone else smell burning?

Hmmm it's been a little while since I last posted hasn't it!! Mainly because the microscope was fixed just before I went off to MIF and therefore it was hell for leather for the next few weeks as I attempted to do all the work I haven't been able to previously. On top of this I was still trying to do all my westerns and write that darn review (hated HATED review!).

But as we know... this microscope - it is cursed, as the lightbox blew again last Thursday! Luckily it's nothing serious and should be back in action sometime this week we hope (and pray).

Last two days have been relatively long and unproductive especially in the review stakes. I have written the first draft and now have to correct and add in a few additional sections but UGH, I just don't have the ENERGY. I think I've hit that mid-year wall and I know I'm not the only one. Luckily for me I have some conferences (aka holidays) so hopefully I can come back nice and refreshed and ready for the rest of the year... unfortunately for me my review is due before that. The big boss, AC, is actually away for this week to review grants, so I need to have that second draft ready for the beginning of next week... so far I've written two additional paragraphs... So I need to pull my socks up and start writing and editing... which is totally why I'm writing this entry instead :)

Yesterday I almost burnt the lab down.... okay... this is a slight exaggeration but I did burn foam and melt plastic (and just to clarify so I don't come across as some crazy pyro, it was by accident!). I needed to quickly boil some enzyme to deactivate it* so I set up the tripod and beaker and turned on the bunsen burner. The bunsen burner that I used is CRAZY!! (Actually I originally thought it was the gas tap that was crazy - but after a lil experimentation this afternoon we have determined it is the bunsen burner!) Why is it crazy? It's got an amazingly strong flame with is seriously like a metre in height!! Like no joke - it's freaking dangerous!

Look at it there - all high and mighty... it's bloody taller than the selves.. and this is on the low nice flame instead of the 'instant 3rd degree burns' bright blue setting!! However it was the bright blue setting that I put under my beaker, with my lovely lil floatie** holding my eppendorf tube which was closed by a lovely bright pink plastic tube holder. I normally boil my enzymes for about 10 minutes, mainly cause it seems like long enough for all the damage to be done to my protein. However around bout 3 minutes in, a curious smell is starting to reach my nostrils... I wasn't certain what it was but it did smell a lil like burning... something somewhere is burning...

Uh Oh.

I approach my beaker and notice the lovely green floatie is very quickly going a lovely shade of black and my beautiful pink tube holder is melting... MELTING!! At this point I turned the gas down...

And here it is... my burnt and melted monstrosity. (Please note... it did not look this originally!)

The worse thing is - when the lid closer decided to go all gooey on me it manage to leaver the lid open meaning a whole bunch (well a few microlitres*** actually) which means it's useless and I have to throw it away... farewell $115.00 dollars... I shall miss you.

On top of this I totally almost killed someone the other day coming out of the cold room. First off I would like to state that this WAS NOT completely my fault.

The cold room has a big heavy door on it - obviously to keep the place close - and you really need to give it some heave-ho to get it moving... even if you are as muscley as myself... *cough*. However, the micro labs have put two freezer right outside the door. I went in and close the door firmly behind me as I put some stuff away. As I went to leave I opened the door with a bit of force RIGHT INTO the honours student standing there grabbing stuff from the freezer... she was not permanently injured and I was appropriately apologetic... however now when she sees me she has a tendency to make a door joke... awkward...


* BCHM101 - Enzymes (well all proteins actually) need to be 'folded' in the correct shape for them to be activate and carry out their function. High temperatures cause proteins to denature (which is just a fancy way to say unfold), which is why boiling an enzyme deactivates it.

** Floatie - a highly technical term for pieces of foam with holes in them which allow you to float your precious eppendorf tubes in water without the lids getting wet.

*** One millionth of a litre, or one thousandth of a millilitre.