A crisis of faith

So I was in a pretty stroppy mood wednesday evening.

I have always wanted to be a medical doctor. Anyone who has known me for any length of time knows of my drive and determination to become a medical doctor one of these days.

At the end of honours year in 2006 I ended up being in a very privledged position - I had two choices for my immediate future. Firstly, my lifelong dream, acceptance into a postgraduate medical progam, albeit in another state, and secondly, a guaranteed PhD scholarship in the lab I was currently working.

While it was difficult decision, ultimately is was very easy - I had throughly enjoyed my year in research and was something I think would of come back. I loved my current working environment. The opportunity to stay in my home state with all my family and my friend, to do something I enjoy (and getting paid for it) was too good an opportunity to miss.

Writing my rejection letter to my medicine offer was hard, but it was not like I was giving up on my dream - just postponing it. I was still young, it was only another 3-4 years, and if I was a good candidate then, well, I was only going to be a better candidate in 3 years time. A lil older, a bit more mature.

However, on Wednesday evening, as I sat at my desk desperately trying to write my review, lamenting the fact that my Western was still not at the quality I required, freaking out about my posters for my upcomming conferences - all I could think was WHY?? Why was I here?

I could of been in my second year of med school. Half way. Instead I was here, at the desk, with all these worries, and no real solution in sight.

Of course I was being totally irrational!

Everything is actually going relatively well, esp. considering my general laziness. I've even managed to get some work done on my review... okay... not alot but a bit and it's helping me get into the swing of things! Plus I get to make pretty pictures and call it 'work'.

And I have GRAND PLANS for the next few years... (though I guess I should state that I always have some sort of grand plan... that doesn't always work out!).

My current plan to sit the GAMSAT next year, apply for Sydney schools, hopefully get in and then defer for a year. The next year I shall be finishing off my dreaded thesis and then off to Europe for a last HURRAH holiday before coming back and settling back into study mode.

AND I'm off to Melbourne, Canada and New York in the next month!!

There's no way I would of done any of that if I'd been in med school now.

Plus I'd be living in Adelaide...

Ew.

(Ps. If, by chance, there is an Adelaidian reading this... I don't really think Adelaide is Ew... it's quite nice actually... just kinda quiet... really quiet actuall.)